Thoughts of a middle-aged mind

I have an obsession with my age. I've known about it for the past eight years, but it's really starting to get on my nerves. If it's bugging me, it must really be annoying my friends and family.

When I turned 40 it was a real eye-opener. Inside I still felt like I was 25, so it was hard to believe that I could really be as old as those other 40-year-olds. I remember having all these thoughts running through my mind:

Do they all feel like they are 25, too?
Do I look as old as her, 'cause I know she's 40?
I wonder if he's 40. He still looks pretty good.
Did my mom feel this way when she turned 40?
What if I look a lot older than 40?
If this is 40, what's 50 gonna be like?

This went on for quite some time until it dawned on me that I was now getting closer to my 41st birthday than my 40th. Then when I was 41, Daughter #2 got married. Granted, she was only 19, but her husband was several years older, so this made me feel really old. Again those thoughts:

I can't believe I'm old enough to have a married daughter -- and a son-in-law!
Do I look as old as other mothers-in-law?

It didn't help that a few months later they announced that The Mr. and I were going to be grandparents. Amidst all the excitement, I still had these nagging questions:

Do I look as old as other grandmothers?
What if I look older than other grandmothers?

A short time later Daughter #1 got married, and within the next few years we ended up with four grandchildren. I love them to pieces, but still... A GRANDMOTHER OF FOUR!! How could that happen when I still felt so young?

The summer before last we were at Calaway Park standing in line to buy tickets. With horror, I read the sign that indicated once you turned 50 you would get the senior rate.

SENIOR? PLEASE!! The Mr. is going to turn 50 next year, and he is far from being a senior.

And if that wasn't bad enough, when I got to the wicket and asked for three tickets, the girl responded with, "Are they all regular-price?"

Does she think we look like seniors? What does she know? -- she's just a kid. Hmph!!

By now I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm old, but I'm not happy with it. Every now and then as I'm visiting with women who are in their 30's, they'll say something like, "Oh, you're just like my mom!"

Really? 'Cause I was kinda hoping we could be friends?

And then if that's not bad enough, when The Mr. turned 50 these same women just assumed I was also 50.

No, really I'm still 47. Please don't rush me!

This past Sunday while visiting with two of my sisters-in-law, the topic of age came up. They both told me of experiences they had where they forgot how old they were, and assumed they were a year older than they really were. It didn't even phase them. I could hardly believe it! Not only did they not remember how old they were, they didn't seem to even care! Wow!

So, now I'm trying to become like them.

Don't think about your age. Don't think about your age. Don't think...

This might take awhile.


Dixie
Age 48 1/4